2008-A Fresh Start

Saturday evening I returned home after a wonderful Christmas week in Corpus Christi with my family. The drive had been long but uneventful. I went about the task of unpacking, putting away Christmas gifts from my family and my students (which I had not done before leaving on vacation), and just overall tidying up my disheveled apartment. I fell into bed exhausted but unable to sleep. Without really forming conscious thoughts I began to let my heart pray. In that time, the Lord revealed something to me as this thought crossed my mind, "You are too focused on the waiting; you are forgetting to live."

So, now here I sit several days later just now getting around to blogging about this epiphany because I've been dreading putting it into writing. In 2007, I was blessed to fall more deeply in love with my Savior than I realized was possible. I also learned to make peace with "waiting" at this time in my life without feeling the need to rush my dreams into existence. What I didn't realize is that I took that peace too far and just let myself "be" in waiting.

Some of my readers may be thinking, "Kristi, you've said things similar to this along the way; why is it just now sinking in?" I don't know, but praise the Lord He is patient with me! He's probably going to have to continue to remind me all throughout 2008 to just keep living and stop being concerned about waiting.

And, like I said, I've dreaded writing this down. Because, honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared and lonely and a little disillusioned about the church being my family. A few things have happened in the last several weeks that have made reality out of the idea that our culture and the church are designed around couples and families. Having said that, I know that God's grace covers all of this and He will provide healing from the disillusionment.

It's also scary to finally admit I just need to let go of my dreams and see what God is dreaming up for me right now. Yes, maybe I should say that one more time. In 2008, I am going to let go of my dreams and see what dreams God has for me.

Last night I was at some friends' house for a New Year's Eve dinner. Because of the number of young children among us we toasted in the New Year early and went our separate ways. At 8:30, we joined in a circle and each mentioned blessings, dreams, or wishes for the New Year. With all of the previously discussed thoughts in mind, I lifted my glass and said, "To all things unimaginable." The verse at the end of this blog is going to be my "theme" for 2008. I am going to meditate on and pray through this verse throughout the year knowing that God's plans for me are unimaginable. Because if I am just waiting instead of living, then the unimaginable may pass me by.

May 2008 be full of all things unimaginable for you and your loved ones! I pray God's richest blessings in your lives.

"No one has ever imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him!"
1 Cor 2:9

Piano Peace

Burned-out. Exhausted. Hurt. Lonely. Disillusioned.

These are all words I have used to describe myself in the past week. And, yes, these words sound like I've been having a rather large pity-party. At some points, I unfortunately did allow these feelings to drag me into a pity-party. At many other points, I sat quietly in full realization of the sovereignty, love, and nearness of God while still feeling these emotions. Sometimes I am struck by times when I can know God is restoring my hope and strength while still feeling the emotions from the pit He is pulling me out of.

So, that has been my week. Today was different. Today was peaceful and beautiful. Today I was able to lose myself in music: one of God's finest creations. You see, I love the piano. I love to listen to piano music, and I love to play the piano. I took lessons growing up, but have unfortunately lost most of the skills I had acquired along the way. One of the things on my list of things to do before I die is to try again. Take the time to sit and practice and allow those buried skills to rise again. A friend of mine discovered that I have this longing, and he arranged for me to play today in a private room at a store that sells Steinway pianos. It was a wonderful experience! I sat in this private room on a GORGEOUS Steinway grand piano playing away at my silly little Level 1 music books from my first years of lessons. It was far from sophisticated, but it was refreshing. This afternoon I was able to spend one hour lost in music, focusing my talent only to my Lord who is carrying me through the burn-out, exhaustion, hurt, loneliness, and disillusionment of life. What a blessing! Thank you, Lord, for giving me an hour to worship you in a unique way that brought me such peace!

"Mary responded, 'Oh, how my soul praises the Lord.
How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!
For he took notice of his lowly servant girl,
and from now on all generations will call me blessed.
For the Mighty One is holy,
and he has done great things for me.'"
Luke 1:46-49

Organizing Grasshoppers

Today I had some much needed refreshment as I went to a workshop to spend some time filling up my professional reservoir instead of pouring out of it. At one point the presenter referred to managing a classroom of Kindergarten, 1st, or 2nd grade students as something akin to organizing grasshoppers. What truth is found in that statement!!!

This week I have organized 20 grasshoppers of my own while attempting a secret teaching mission! We made gingerbread cookies on Tuesday. It was so much fun, but oh so exhausting! There is truth to the idea that you only need one cook in the kitchen at a time, so experiencing 20 cooks ages 6 and 7 was quite the experiment. Yesterday, the cookies rested temptingly on each students' desk in a plastic baggie. They had been instructed not to touch until our afternoon decorating experience. Little did they know that the "Big Bad Wolf" would come steal their cookies while they were at lunch and leave a note demanding written letters explaining why they want their cookies back (ah the joy of sneaking in a good writing lesson!). My little grasshoppers were furious, and suddenly their little imaginations were let loose!

"Miss Lowery, we saw him shake that tree outside."
"Yea, and he said, 'HA, HA, HA!"
"My gingerbread man was my best friend, and now he's gone!"
"We worked so hard to make those. That Big Bad Wolf is just mean!"
"What a waste! Our parents brought in all that stuff to make those cookies, and now they are gone!"

Oh, it went on all day! When I tried to get them back to writing by telling them, "No, the Big Bad Wolf is not on the roof and he's not in the tree...he's in a cave watching our gingerbread and trying to decide if he's going to let them come back..." well, suddenly the cave was visible from outside our window. Oops...I should have tried a different tactic.

What wonderful, exhausting fun that was! And, yes, very much like organizing grasshoppers!

The Unveiled Face

And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him. 2 Cor 3:18 The Message

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Cor 3:18 NIV

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Cor. 3:18 ESV

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. 2 Cor. 3:18 NLT

Tonight I spent some time exploring and meditating on 2 Corinthians 3:18. I enjoy each of the above translations for the different perspectives and depth of insight they provide to the text. Don't you just love the concept in this passage? I especially enjoy the image of an unveiled face. It makes me think of when my first graders have an "AHA moment." The cloud of confusion lifts and understanding dawns in their eyes. That's what I think of when I picture an unveiled face. When I approach the Lord with an unveiled face, understanding dawns on my features as I realize the magnitude of the moment.

When my first graders continue down the path of an "AHA moment," their learning can increase exponentially. Continuing with my analogy, the same is true when I come unveiled before the Lord. Coming before the Lord unclouded and open-minded allows my spiritual growth to become more and more in line with Christ. Wow! What a blessing that my Father would continue to allow me in His presence unveiled just so that He can make me more like His Son! Thank you, precious Lord!

Oh, the Mind of a Six Year Old!

Over the last few days I have taken a walk down memory lane by re-reading my past posts. One thing I noticed is that last spring I posted several more school stories than I have this year. So, the following is just a handful of the cute things I've heard so far this school year! Enjoy!

"I lost my first tooth! You know, I was brave! I thought I would cry, but I really didn't!!!"

"Ms Lowery, (long, exasperated sigh) I'm starting to get ear wax again."

Student: "Do you have a son?"
Me: "What?
S: "Do you have a son?"
Me: "No I'm not married. I don't have children."
Another student: "Is that why you have this job?"

Student: "My leg hurts."
Me: "It's growing pains."
S: "Does your leg hurt when you grow?"
Me: "Well, I'm not growing anymore; but when I was, yes my leg hurt."
S: (In shocked voice) "You're not getting any taller?"
Me: "No"
S: (Very confused look on her face) "Does your birthday still come around?"
Me: "Yes...I'm getting older, but I'm not getting taller."
Every face looking at me has a puzzled expression. HA!

It's moments like these that keep me going! I hope you enjoyed these smiles as much as I did!

Winter Reading

Hi all! Months ago I promised book recommendations in order to live up to my "Curl Up and Read" blog title. Well, I've been reading and reading; but I have failed to post any recommendations before now. So, grab a pen if you want to jot down any fascinating titles and get ready for my recommendations for your winter reading!

1) Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton-This book has been one of the single most life-changing books I have read. Sacred Rhythms is a book on spiritual disciplines but unlike any spiritual disciplines book you've ever read. Barton explores the disciplines of solitude, silence, sabbath, and healthy living just to name a few. This book has challenged my thinking and my way of living in ways I've never been challenged before. It's definitely a thought-provoking read, but it's well worth the time!

2) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling-I LOVE Harry Potter. Rowling's books are full of spiritual allegories and the kind of good vs. evil that all of us love to delve into. This book held up to all of the expectations I now have of Rowling. The ending was amazing, wonderful, yet so unpredictable. If you are a fan and you haven't read this one yet...what are you waiting for?

3) Divine by Karen Kingsbury-In the author's note at the beginning of this book, Kingsbury explains that Mary Magdalene is one of her favorite Biblical characters. In an effort to bridge the centuries, Kingsbury takes this Biblical story of rescue and weaves it into a modern story of redemption and healing. It is amazing. Yes, in some ways it is a heart-breaking read, but it is a powerful story. For fans of Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, this one may touch similar parts of your heart!

4) The Red Tent by Anita Diamant-A strangely, fascinating read. When I first starting reading this book, I told my mother that I wasn't sure what I thought of it, but I could not put it down! Diamant weaves a fascinating story of life for women during the time of Jacob and Esau. A time when women spent three days a month in seclusion together due to physical impurity. The story takes place in and around the happenings of the red tent. Like I said it is strangely, fascinating!

5) The Baxter Family Dramas by Karen Kingsbury-I'm currently doing something I've never done before. I'm reading a drama series backwards. I didn't mean to...once I had started it was too late to look back. Kingsbury has written two series based on a family named the Baxters, and she is currently in the middle of a third series about the same family. The first series is the Redemption series, the second is the Firstborn series, and the third is the Sunrise series. I have read the first book in the third series, and then I am currently working through the Firstborn series. So, yes, I am working backwards; but they are fabulous anyway! I love getting caught up in characters, and I love it when an author can continue weaving a story that spans a great amount of time all the while keeping it real and believable. Kingsbury is a master!

6) Like Dandelion Dust by Karen Kingsbury-Obviously, I'm in a little bit of an author rut. But, I just cannot get enough of her books! Like Dandelion Dust is the sweetest story surrounding an education center for adults with Down Syndrome. This story will make you laugh and cry just from the sheer sweetness of it all! It's a must read!

7) Pelican Brief by John Grisham-Many people are at the "been there, done that" point with John Grisham, but I'm still slowly working through his books. I have seen this movie several times, but the book provides so much more background. It was suspenseful and intriguing. I loved every minute of it!

I think I am missing a few that I've read over the last few months, but this will do for now. If you are like me, then you are looking forward to cold winter days when you can curl up with a fleece blanket, hot chocolate, and a good book. Maybe one of my recommendations will strike your fancy! I wish you a cozy winter and happy reading!

Thanksgiving

Bright and early tomorrow morning I am hitting the road to join the rest of my family in Searcy, AR. The next few days will be full of food, conversation, and relaxation. Just what I am in need of at this point in the year! But, see, there is more to the next few days than just food, conversation, and relaxation. There is a reason why we call it "Thanksgiving," right?

I was walking Rori yesterday and once again praying for the Lord to take away the pain in my heart. As I'm praying, I was overcome with the thought that I needed to spend some time thinking about what I have to be thankful for. Hmmm...okay, God, I think you might be trying to give me some perspective! So, I am thankful for...

• Health
• Godly parents with whom I now I have a wonderful friendship/mentorship type relationship
• A wonderful 1st grade class this year
• An excellent school
• An amazing teaching team including two very strong Christians to share and pray with
• Food
• Water
• A nice apartment
• A very playful, loving puppy
• Authentic, Christ-like friendships
• Other people's children who ease my "baby bug" for the time being
• Clothes
• Sunshine
• Rainbows
• Butterflies
• Singing on the praise team
• Being a part of a wonderful congregation
• My sister
• My grandparents
• Holiday breaks from school
• And I could go on and on and on and on

There is so much to be thankful for. Yes, I am in a season of pain and healing. But, the Lord will continue to shower me with blessings...sometimes I just have to be reminded to open my eyes and see them! Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will in Christ Jesus."
1 Thess. 5:17