Today...

Today I am lonely. Today I am yearning for a family of my own. Today I am tired of the constant questions about life. Today I am frustrated that good arguments can be made on opposite sides of an issue, and sometimes I can't figure out which one is right.

So, today I don't want to think; I don't want to ask questions. Today I just simply want to be. Today I want peace and rest. Today I long to sit (or nap) in my Father's presence and let Him fill my lonely places. Today I will sit in the presence of the Lord and let Him handle the big questions of life. Today my Lord is in His holy temple, and I will keep silent in His presence.

"But the Lord is in his holy temple;

let all the earth be silent before him."

Habakkuk 2:20

Morning Surprise

Yesterday morning as the bell rang at 7:50 for the children to bombard our classrooms, I noticed that my neighboring teacher wasn't there yet. While she sometimes comes in at the last minute, there is usually a call that proceeds the late arrival informing us of a family situation or car trouble. Yesterday, however, there was no call. For some reason, I went a little into panic mode. I picked up my phone to call her cell and make sure she was alright, when in she walked. I went on and on about how grateful I was to see her cause my mind had already jumped to all measures of things that could have happened. She thanked me for being concerned, and we both jumped into our busy days.

This morning upon arriving at school, I came into my room to discover a present on my desk. My co-teacher had bought me a CD I had been longing to have for my classroom. She left me a note thanking me for being concerned for her. I found her and thanked her, but I told her she didn't need to buy me a gift just for making sure she was okay. She went into a story about what an awful night and morning she had had, and how wonderful it felt to come into school and have someone concerned that she was okay. I was floored, because I had no idea that life had been rough on her the last 12 hours. I just simply wanted to know if she was safe. Walking in this morning to discover her thoughtful gift was a bright start to my day. Sometimes God just provides us with little things to help us get through our days. I love it when He does that!!!

"Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again, Rejoice!"

The Arms of The Answer

Comfort zone stretched
Heartache healed
Pain comforted
Coping with the past
New beginnings towards a future
Strange and exciting opportunities with each new day
Finding contentment
Grasping satisfaction
Love given and received
Open doors
Big leaps of faith
Fear is present
Love abounds
Spirit aches with questions and concerns
Spirit rests in the arms of The Answer

"For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle

and set me high upon a rock."

Ps. 27:5

"You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of deliverance."

Ps. 32:7

Holy Burdens

Have you ever carried a burden for someone that you simply did not want to carry? I guess we never really want to carry a burden, but sometimes for good friends or in particular situations we are prone to gladly carry the burden anyway. So, have you ever been called to carry a burden that you would much rather have ignored? Maybe it caused too much pain? Maybe the burden-bearer was someone you just did not like? Did it make you feel like you would rather disobey the call than put up with the extra weight of an unnecessary burden?

I am currently finding myself in a situation much like the one I just described to you. I have recently become burdened to lift someone up in prayer on a continual (almost-constant) basis. I truly feel that this burden is holy and of the Lord. But, due to the situation surrounding this burden, I would much rather leave it alone. Because, by obeying, I am having to sift through and clean out the dirt that is prohibiting certain wounds to heal. By being obedient, I am having to subject myself to pain that I would rather be rid of.

You see, I have been thinking that by ignoring the calling (by disobeying my conviction), then I will be able to heal. However, as a mentor pointed out to me tonight, maybe I have been given this burden as a way of moving past the past (so to speak). In other words, by being obedient, I am humbling myself enough to really, truly learn how to be more Christ-like. When Jesus was on the cross, He hurt. It was definitely a burden He probably would have chosen to do without had that been an option. But, as He carried the weight of our sins (physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually), He asked the Lord to forgive those who were hurting Him because they didn't know what they were doing. Christ did not ignore his calling simply because it hurt. And, you know what? God glorified Him!!!!! The Father blessed His Son because Jesus obeyed the calling to carry a HUGE burden for the world!

Wow!! As I write this, I find myself strengthened with the confidence that God will provide me the power and support I need to heal even though my obedience will hurt. May God bless me in this by brightening the light of Christ that shines out of me.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

but made himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

he humbled himself

and became obedient to death--

even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father."

Phil 2:3-11

Spring Cleaning

We have all heard of the phrase, "cleanliness is next to Godliness." While I do not think this is at all true, I must confess something to you:

I am going to do some Spring cleaning tomorrow. EVERYTHING is going to be cleaned. My closets are going to get a good "going-through." I'm sure there will be things thrown out and reorganized. There will be lots of washing, scrubbing, dusting, and vacuuming. And, I'm going to love every minute of it!! I'll be gross and exhausted when it's over, but it will feel so good when it is done!

Here's the big confession, though: When I clean like this, there is some kind of spiritual cleansing that takes place in me as well. Something about rolling up my sleeves and cleaning up all of the grime in my physical life helps me sort through and clean out some of the grime in my spiritual life. Reorganizing gives me a chance to throw out the crud I don't need anymore. This is the stuff that I may be holding on to for sentimental reasons that really don't matter anymore. These things are taking up space that could be used for something much more useful. Cleaning gives me a chance to wipe away the grime from the past and leave things ready for what is to come.

Our spiritual lives need cleaning and reorganizing from time to time as well...probably even more often. Tomorrow while I am ransacking my apartment, my mind and heart will be joining in the Spring cleaning project. Hopefully at the end of tomorrow, even if I feel exhausted, I will feel refreshed, clean, and ready to move forward both physically AND spiritually!

How do you clean up your grime?

"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." Ps. 51:7

"First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside will be clean."

Matt. 23:26

Healing

Do you ever wonder about the healing process???

For the last six months I have been healing. My heart was wounded in a way that I was not prepared for. Once the wound appeared, the healing process began. I use the word "process" because that is exactly what it is-a process. It does not happen overnight. Healing happens slowly. And sometimes there are setbacks along the way.

This weekend the scabs on my heart were scratched, and the bleeding began again. I thought the healing process was almost done, but, come to find out, if picked at hard enough my wounds could hurt again.

Thankfully even though it hurts again I realize the wound is not as deep this time. It will heal more quickly than the initial would, and then I will be back on track towards final healing. All of this is only true, however, because I have a Great Physician. He is the Lord of my healing-not me. He is closing up my wounds in a way that draws me closer to Him. What a blessing to have such a compassionate, loving Physician who gives me just the medicine I need. Thank you, Lord. Bring healing quickly-but bring healing to Your glory!

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Ps. 147:3

Memory Lane

Yesterday, having been relegated to my couch due to a virus, I decided to take a little trip down memory lane. I pulled out all my photo albums and simply relished in the past. It was delightful. I found myself sighing, smiling, and laughing out loud at the memories held in the still-frames in my hands.

There is something to be said for taking a trip to the past. Yes, it can be dangerous to "live in the past," so to speak, but it can also be refreshing. To me, every so often it is rejuvenating to take a look at where I have been while contemplating where I am going. Going through my pictures gave me a chance to really meditate on the changes that have taken place in my life. I was given the opportunity to say, "Wow, that was a stinky time in my life, but look at how God has blessed it." Or, to say, "What a fun day that was...I'm so glad the joy of that day can bless me again."

My challenge to you, as a reader, would be to sit back and contemplate where God has been in your life and where He is leading you. Dig out your old pictures and keepsakes if you need to, and let yourself journey to the past. In this journey, let yourself become aware of the Great I AM: who was, and is, and is to come. He was there in the old pictures; He is sitting with you as you reminisce; and He is going before you preparing for the snapshots of your future.

" 'I am the Alpha and the Omega,' says the Lord God, 'who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.' "

Rev. 1:8