Thursday, March 29, 2007

Need for Honesty

" 'Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God has made you to be. And anything else you do is sin and you need to repent of it.' " (Quoted by Rob Bell in his book Velvet Elvis)

Back in November, I was on the phone with a dear friend talking about life. She said something that has stuck firmly with me. She said, "Kristi, you need to do all you can to fall madly in love with God and find all of your dependence on him. Everything else will simply be the icing on the cake."

I need to be extremely honest in this blog. I may even need to post more than once along this topic as my mind makes sense of all that I am laying out before you. So, here it goes:

I long to fall in love. I am a romantic female with all kinds of fairy-tale notions. Thankfully, I have a healthy perspective on true love and romance, but I still long to fall in love. I want to be chased. I want to be someone's princess. I want the handsome knight on the white horse (as imperfect as he may be...he'll still be mine), and I want to be "rescued."

But, here I sit...a 25 year old single woman in a scary world aching for Prince Charming. However, when my friend spoke those words to me in November, I began to realize that I had no idea what it meant to be "in love" with God. Of course, I loved him, but in love with him? Can He really fulfill that need in me?

When that question entered my head, God said to me, "Just watch, Princess. I will fill you with such a sense of love that you will no more long for an earthly love with the same intensity. Beloved, you will find such romance in my love that you will no longer need the love of a man to fill your empty places. I will be your White Knight, and I AM perfect. My love will never fail. I will always understand you, and I will always love you. You will be my sweetheart, and I will court you with a love that only comes from knowing the woman I created you to be. I love you."

Do the desires of my heart change? Yes and no. They change in that I am no longer searching for a husband more than I search for God. They don't change because I believe my longing for a husband and children is given to me by God. The focus I place on the desires of my heart is changing (notice I said is changing, cause, by takes a lot of mental energy to keep up with this).

My friend was right. All else He gives me will be the icing on the cake!

"My lover spoke and said to me,
'Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come...
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me.'"
Song of Songs 2:10-12a, 13b