End of the Road

Who am I?

Who does Satan tell me I am?

Who does God tell me I am?

These are the questions that I, my co-leader, and our ten campers wrestled with throughout the course of last week. It was a hard week, but it was a week full of blessing. For me, it was hard to watch 10 15-year-olds come to terms with the idea that Satan wants them to believe all kinds of lies about themselves. It was hard asking them to be honest with themselves about who they think they truly are. But, it was incredible to be a witness as they realized that God loves them for who they are now! And, not only does God love them for who they are, He forgives them for what they've done; and He can wipe it all clean!

For me, though, last week was more than just watching these teenagers grow in the knowlege of God. I came to terms with a few things as well. Last Tuesday night, one of the camper groups was doing a skit about the things they had learned during the day. They mentioned a lady they had met at a nursing home during their service project. This lady was telling them that her husband had passed away not long ago, and she was now searching for her identity without him. As they continued telling this woman's story, I began to realize that that could have been me. Until about 6 months ago, if I had gotten married, it would have been difficult for me to separate my identity from that of my husband. I sat in that room in total awe of my Lord!

He has led me on a journey that was designed only for me. He led me into a painful wilderness knowing full well that I would emerge on the other side declaring Him my Prince Charming...claiming my true identity as His daughter and bride! The last several years (especially the last 10 months) have been purposefully scripted in order to teach me how to be in love with God before I fall in love with any man. He has also taught me about what my identity in Him looks like: what it looks like for Kristi Renee Lowery to be a daughter of the King. He has shown me how to cherish the gifts He has given me, and to be ready to use them in conjunction with the man He has for me instead of putting them aside for the sake of a relationship. What a mighty God I serve! He has been so patient with me as I have struggled and questioned His timing in my life. After last week, I emerged ready to say "the end" to this chapter of my life. This is the end of the road for that lesson. I will cling to Him as He continues to remind me His timing is best and His love is fulfilling. But, this journey is over! Praise the Lord for being faithful!!!! He has been good to me!

"Those who sow in tears

will reap with songs of joy.

He who goes out weeping,

carrying seed to sow,

will return with songs of joy,

carrying sheaves with him."

Ps. 126: 5-6

Kadesh 2007: Identity

Tomorrow evening around this time I will be introducing myself to a group of high school students who have signed up to experience Kadesh Life Camp at ACU. I am thrilled to be able to participate in this coming week. I experienced Kadesh as a camper during the summers of 1997-99. The lessons I learned during those three weeks (one week a year) were life changing for me. To me, Kadesh wasn't just a spiritual high. Sure, there were elements of it that were the typical camp "high" where after a few days of being back home you kind of feel like you have plateaued emotionally. But there was something deeper about my experience at Kadesh. It was a time of spiritual formation for me. I was discipled at camp, not just spiritually entertained. Each week was spent in intense Bible study and real-life application. There are several passages of Scripture that became personal to me simply because of my experience at Kadesh, and everytime I reread those passages I think back to what made that truth hit home to me!

As of tomorrow, I get to experience Kadesh "on the other side," so to speak. I am going back as a group leader. I will be expected to lead kids on this spiritual journey...to guide them as they discover new truths about being a disciple of Christ. This week at camp, we will be focusing on our identities. Who am I? Who does Satan want me to be? Who does God say that I am? How do I conquer the lies I hear from Satan? Where is the victory in Christ, and how do I achieve it? These are just some of the questions we will be diving into in the coming days. As I have been studying and preparing for this week, I have realized what a special opportunity I have been given to be able to watch young hearts and minds discover how much God loves them! I pray that God will work in the hearts of my campers. I pray that my leadership will simply be an outpouring of His love for me and those students. I pray that God will work in amazing ways this week in the lives of every individual camping at Kadesh.

"They came back to Moses and Aaron and the whole Israelite community at Kadesh in the Desert of Paran. There they reported to them and to the whole assembly and showed them the fruit of the land." Numbers 13:26

(see Numbers 13 and 14 to discover the significance of the camp name "Kadesh"!)

Little Miss Rori Girl

As I jump back into the blogging world, I thought I would share a little about my newest addition. Yes, I recently became mommy to the sweet little Shih Tzu puppy you see pictured here. This picture was taken about 2 or 3 weeks before I got her, so she is a little bigger now. When I got her almost two weeks ago, she was just shy of 11 weeks old and about 3 lbs. She's growing already, and we are off to the vet tomorrow to see how big my little girl actually is.

Entering mommyhood, even if it's "just a puppy," has been quite the adventure. Rori (taken from the show Gilmore Girls) has, thankfully, slept very well in her new crate. She has only woken up once in the middle of the night! Many nights she goes 8 or 9 hours before whining to get up. I am very thankful for that. What I've learned about puppies is the constant attention they take. I was prepared for this, but being mentally prepared is still nothing like experiencing it. She will go to the bathroom outside, but only if I pay attention to when she needs to go as she is lacking the ability to remember to "ask." She loves her new environment so much that she just can't stop from biting every new thing she sees! Mostly she loves my toes and ankles. She is proving to be strong-willed when it comes to obeying the "no" that comes after biting mama's toes. To her, my brightly painted toes are the perfect toy! To me, they are a necessary body part that I would like to keep in tact!

Though time-consuming and at times frustrating, having a puppy has huge rewards. In a few short months, the rewards will be even grander. I love the companionship of a dog. The loyalty that has Rori whining if I leave the room and she can't get to me is priceless. She has a wonderful personality, and I am so excited to have this little one to call my own!

So, how about you? Are pets a big part of your life?

Class Dismissed!

"I'll miss you, Miss Lowery." "I love you, Miss Lowery."

This was the mantra I heard time and time again as I said goodbye to my students on Thursday. While these thoughts should have brought tears to my eyes, I found myself longing for the last car to drive away so that I could dance before the Lord for bringing me through this year! Now, I will miss some of them, but probably not for a few more weeks. This makes me think...did I try to really see each of my children for the child of God that they are?

This is a question that I need to meditate on for the summer before a fresh set of young lives grace my classroom in twelve weeks. But for now, I get to relax. The Lord brought me through a wilderness this year and has planted me on the other side. This summer I get to revel in the inexpressible joy of God's provision!

So, for those of you in a similar situation: just rest and relax. Delight in the Lord and he will bring us back to school ready for a new year! But for now-class dismissed!

"Praise the LORD.

Praise the LORD, O my soul.

I will praise the LORD all my life;

I will sing praises to my God as long as I live."

Psalm 146: 1-2

Lessons in Control

Today has been a day to meditate on God's control. I have found myself dwelling on what is my business vs. God's business. I am emerging from my thoughts with the sense that I still don't get it. After these last several months of letting go and letting God, I still have to make a concerted effort to maintain this philosophy. I wonder if this will ever just become second nature. Will I quit worrying about whether or not someone received just punishment for a wrong-doing? Will I quit mentally-formulating what steps I think would be best to orchestrate a future happening in my life? Will I quit exhausting myself by letting busyness and stress eat me up instead of clinging to peace?

I spent 24 hours this weekend at the Witchita Mountains Wildlife Refuge in Oklahoma. While there I was overcome with the sense that these creatures that God spoke into existence don't worry about what comes next in life. There is a verse somewhere in the Bible (at the moment I cannot locate it) that speaks about how each part of the Lord's creation praises His name by simply doing as He created them to do. I sat and watched this weekend as buffalo, longhorns, prairie dogs, deer, and turkeys all peacefully went through life instinctively knowing that they would be provided for. And yet, I find myself fighting this at times. I wonder if dreams I have will happen in the way I have planned and dreamed. I wonder if I will be able to get through this last week of school without losing my mind. When these questions arise, I usually choose one of two things. I either start trying to force things to happen the way I hoped, or I go into survival mode and tell God I'll come find peace after I get through this.

Standing on a large hill overlooking the Wildlife Refuge I realized how incredibly selfish I have become. Each moment that I have is a gift of the Lord, and my gift in life is to use that moment to praise Him. He is guiding my steps as I walk along, and I don't have to concern myself with what comes next. My prayer is that I continue to learn these lessons in control until it becomes second nature. Jehovah God, keep teaching me and making it clear that you are the Almighty and I am the child!

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feed them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

Matthew 6:26

Letting Go of Fear

It's time! Time to let go! Time to stop letting fear govern so many parts of my life. Time to not fear an adventure. Time to plunge in with both feet into something new knowing that The Love of my life is right there with me every step of the way! In light of all of this I commit to:

-let God hold the reins of my life,
-pray fervently and earnestly for His guidance and direction,
-turn my anxiety over to my Creator who knows my innermost thoughts, and
-joyfully tumble into Scripture as I seek out the heart of my Father.

As I type this out, fear plagues me. Am I really ready to let go of fear? What happens if it doesn't turn out well? Well, it's going to take baby steps. Even then my adventure may not be as "thrilling" as someone else's, but it will be my adventure just the same! And I guarantee it will be thrilling to me! And, who can ever say they are completely ready to let go of fear? Isn't that why we call it a "leap of faith"? My adventures in life may not always turn out well. But, one thing I have learned in the last year is how amazing God is even in unpleasant moments. He brings joy through the suffering. I have now experienced that, and I pray that the next time life bites me I will be ready to look for the joy!

It's time! Time to let go! Time to let God! Time to become a fearless woman after God's own heart!

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."

2 Timothy 1:7

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Scene: 2nd grade boy and girl in the nurse's office after the boy has rammed his toe into the classroom door because he was angry. The girl has accompanied him to the nurse and sits beside him as his toe is cared for.

Girl: Do you know the fruits of the Spirit?
Boy: No
Girl: Let me see if I can remember them. (pause) Self-control. That's one of them. Self control is when God helps you not hurt yourself or someone else even if you get angry.

Girl proceeds to go kindly, calmly, and gently through each fruit of the Spirit explaining them to Boy.

Girl: Does Jesus live in your heart?
Boy Shrugs
Girl: Can I pray for you right now so Jesus will come live in your heart?

Girl prays for boy, and he repeats her petitions while the teary-eyed nurse looks on in awe.

Many of you have heard this story already, but for those of you that haven't...what I have just put before you actually happened at my school on Friday! I can't help but joyfully laugh at a Lord who puts himself right into schools where He is "not supposed to be." The nurse told me one of the most amazing things about the whole incident was the gentility and grace with which the little girl taught this young boy. I have been in awe all weekend as this story has rolled around in my head. What a mighty and awesome God we serve!! May we all learn a lesson from this humble and precious little girl!!!!

"From the lips of children and infants

you have ordained praise."

Ps. 8:2