Sunday, May 20, 2007

Lessons in Control

Today has been a day to meditate on God's control. I have found myself dwelling on what is my business vs. God's business. I am emerging from my thoughts with the sense that I still don't get it. After these last several months of letting go and letting God, I still have to make a concerted effort to maintain this philosophy. I wonder if this will ever just become second nature. Will I quit worrying about whether or not someone received just punishment for a wrong-doing? Will I quit mentally-formulating what steps I think would be best to orchestrate a future happening in my life? Will I quit exhausting myself by letting busyness and stress eat me up instead of clinging to peace?

I spent 24 hours this weekend at the Witchita Mountains Wildlife Refuge in Oklahoma. While there I was overcome with the sense that these creatures that God spoke into existence don't worry about what comes next in life. There is a verse somewhere in the Bible (at the moment I cannot locate it) that speaks about how each part of the Lord's creation praises His name by simply doing as He created them to do. I sat and watched this weekend as buffalo, longhorns, prairie dogs, deer, and turkeys all peacefully went through life instinctively knowing that they would be provided for. And yet, I find myself fighting this at times. I wonder if dreams I have will happen in the way I have planned and dreamed. I wonder if I will be able to get through this last week of school without losing my mind. When these questions arise, I usually choose one of two things. I either start trying to force things to happen the way I hoped, or I go into survival mode and tell God I'll come find peace after I get through this.

Standing on a large hill overlooking the Wildlife Refuge I realized how incredibly selfish I have become. Each moment that I have is a gift of the Lord, and my gift in life is to use that moment to praise Him. He is guiding my steps as I walk along, and I don't have to concern myself with what comes next. My prayer is that I continue to learn these lessons in control until it becomes second nature. Jehovah God, keep teaching me and making it clear that you are the Almighty and I am the child!

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feed them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
Matthew 6:26