Mixture of Emotions

Sitting in my dining room this evening I found myself reflecting on the myriad of emotions that an individual can be experiencing all at one time. Currently this is where I am:

-exhausted and worn out and tired of waiting for my supplements and diet change to fix my current state of health
-frustrated with issues at school
-lacking a positive attitude towards things in life that just must be done
-hurting deeply over the home life of one of my students
-completely in love with Taylor
-in awe and excited at the way the Lord is weaving our love story
-anxious and longing for Taylor to come home this weekend
-ready to shout from the nearest mountaintop that God has blessed me with an amazing man that wants nothing more than to become more Christ-like every day of his life.
-so incredibly thankful and gracious at the grace and love of my Lord

Wow! Thank goodness I have a Father that can handle me pouring out all of this to Him at one time. Cause at the moment, I'm about to fall apart just due to the overwhelming nature of all of this together. Thank you, Father. Hold my heart and emotions in Your hand and keep each of them centered on you.

Pictures!!

Taylor and I took a few pictures on Easter Sunday before he went back to Midland. Wanted to share them with you. The first one is of us with an older couple from my church that loves us both dearly. They can't stop saying how glad they are that we found each other, so we just had to get a picture with them. And, yes, we are beaming!

My Love Story

When God wrote my love story, He was patient. He gave me time. Time to find myself. Time to discover what my passions are outside of being a wife and mother. Time to realize and embrace that He is my Ultimate Prince Charming. Time to find contentment in being by myself. But, then one day not so long ago, God said, "Okay, it's time. Time to reveal to you what I have been dreaming for you. Time to give to you an earthly Prince Charming to love."

Throughout the course of this week I have been confessing to my Father my sin of unbelief. I didn't believe it could happen like this. When God promises the desires of your heart, I lacked the faith to believe He would even far surpass these desires. Shame on me. Oh Lord, thank You for blessing me despite my unbelief!

My love story is in progress. It is so special and so amazing that God is the only One deserving any credit. I pray that my earthly love story written by my Savior simply causes me to love Him more purely and deeply.

"Delight yourself in the Lord
And He will give you the desires of your heart."

Bucket of Blessings

This week God is standing over me and laughing while He holds an empty bucket with the word "BLESSINGS" written on it. It is empty because He just dumped it all over me!

His name is Taylor Belt. We met on Sunday afternoon, and of the last 72 hours we have talked for 22. It's looking like one of those, "Sometimes it just clicks" situations. It's amazing! He's amazing! Whatever this fun adventure holds, I'm along for the ride!

Thank you, O Gracious God!

"No eye has seen,
No ear has heard,
No mind has conceived
What God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Corinthians 2:9

How Can I Keep From Singing?

At praise team practice tonight, we learned a new song called "How Can I Keep From Singing?" After the drama of last night's post, this song was a breath of fresh air to my soul. I wish you could hear the melody, but for now you will have to settle for the words.

"There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul,
I hear the music ring.
And though the storms may come,
I am holding on,
And to the Rock I cling.

How can I keep from singing Your praise?
How can I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your love!
How can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the King,
And it makes my heart want to sing.

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night,
For I know my Savior lives.
And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through,
And sing the songs you give.

How can I keep from singing Your praise?
How can I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your love!
How can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the King,
And it makes my heart want to sing.

I know I am loved by the King,
And it makes my heart want to sing."

Words and Music by Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and Ed Cash

Seventy-Seven Times

"I don't believe God allows surrendered hearts to continue to long for things He will not ultimately grant in one way or another."
Quote from Beth Moore

Does your heart ever feel like it's bleeding? I mean, of course it does at the moment of heartbreak, sad news, or difficult times. But, I mean, when you think you are well on your way to healing...do you ever feel like your heart is bleeding again? That's how I feel tonight...and I don't know why. Nothing happened to cause me to feel this way. I just do. I left Bible study tonight, turned the radio off in my car, and just started asking God all kinds of questions out loud. Then, I spent the rest of the journey home in silence just hoping that tonight would be one of those times when the answer comes quickly. It wasn't. So, I just sat (or drove) in God's presence asking, "Father, my heart is bleeding...can you make it stop?"

I did find myself thinking about what a funny thing forgiveness is. How God can say, "I forgive you," and it's done. No questions asked; no trying again. Then there's me. I forgive someone and a month later find myself wrestling again with all the hurt feelings just to realize I need to let my heart forgive again. And, I always seem to realize I need to forgive some more just at the point when I think I'm done with it. If you've never experienced this, just trust me-it's annoying.

I'm not sure if all my thoughts really fit together tonight in any semblance of a complete thought. All I know is that typing this up is going to help me lay down and sleep tonight. Maybe tomorrow my heart won't feel like it's bleeding. Maybe this week I will realize what it means to completely surrender my heart to God so that His desires fully and consistently become mine. Maybe. But, for tonight, God is in control. May He bless both of us with peaceful, grace-filled rest.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'"
Matthew 18:21-22

Physical Education...or not?

In an effort to remain positive on the down hill slope towards Spring Break, I thought I'd share a funny from school today.

Girl: Hey, I figured out what PE means.
Boy: What?
Girl: Practice Exercising

And, there you have it!