Sunday, November 18, 2007

God is God

As I was taking a shower this morning, the following verse came into my mind:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

For those of you who are familiar with this verse, you know that it usually brings with it a lot of hope. This morning, however, I didn't want to think about this verse. Why? Because my heart is broken and I don't understand how that fits with "not to harm you." Why, God, did I guard my heart and pray for so long and so hard about giving it away? Why, God, did You give me a peace about taking the risk to love again, only to take it away from me?

At church this morning, we sang a song entitled Blessed Be Your Name. The song talks about how even in the highs and lows blessed be the name of the Lord. He gives and He takes away, but blessed be His name. Lord, I believe it, but my heart still hurts.

You see, I know that He has plans for me. I know that He will cause me to prosper and He will not harm me. I know He plans to give me a hope and a future. I just don't know why it hurts. But, it does, and I guess that's okay because God is God and I am not. And, yes, I am preaching to myself as I type in this post. Because deep down inside I am working to convince myself that it really will all be okay. The pain will go away again. There will yet again be inexpressible joy at the end of this yucky journey. Because that is the cycle of life here on earth.

God is God, and I am not. His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. God is God, and I am not. I think I'll just keep repeating that to myself over and over again until this miserable pain is gone. God is God and I am not. God is God and I am not. Blessed be His name.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalm 34:18