Sunday, April 15, 2007

Random Thoughts

I've had several different things rolling through my head the last several days, and I can't pinpoint which one draws me the most for a blog entry. Therefore, I've decided just to list some random thoughts, and I will decide later whether or not to follow up in future posts.

1) I read in a book tonight that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. This idea has decided to imbed itself in my head and percolate for a little while. If this is true, then what does forgiveness look like? Is forgiveness more for the "forgiver" than the "forgivee"? What do you think about the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?

2) One of my struggles in life is dealing with anxiety. I have an extremely anxious personality which has recently required counseling and temporary medication. God is blessing me greatly as I learn to manage this struggle and give Him control of my life. But, one of the things I am particularly anxious about is traveling--specifically flying. Many of my readers know that I am terrified of flying-for reasons that I don't really understand. On Friday night, I was glued to the TV watching weather reports of tornadoes in and around the Dallas area. As I was watching all of this, I was struck by the realization that at one point in my life I was as terrified of tornadoes as I now am of flying. My fear of tornadoes has drastically subsided in recent years, and I'm left with the prayer that this will happen with my phobia of flying as well. Any thoughts?

3) I'm burned out from teaching. At the moment I can't tell you if I just need the summer or a career change, although, last week I would have told you I needed a career change. It's hard to determine, however, at this extremely stressful time of year. At this point, all I know is, I am praying that God provides me extra blessings along the way over the next six weeks...because I am exhausted. I also probably need to pray for an attitude change.

4) What does it look like to walk through the pain of a certain situation? What exactly does that mean? I'm not sure, but I am slowly getting an idea. I wonder if walking through the pain is the process through which one achieves the "acceptance" phase of grief. Maybe it's the final stage before one can say, "I can now accept this situation and fully move on." It's all a little uncertain to me. What I do know, however, is that the Bible is full of stories of individuals who had to walk through the pain in order to get to the joy on the other side. Those are the stories I am clinging to these days!

So, what do you think? Was that random enough for you? You just got a pretty good glimpse into the confusion that is my brain. Any thoughts? Feel free to comment on my thoughts or add your own thoughts to my random list.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
1 Peter 5:7


Jill said...

kristi, we have got to get together and talk!! i just read your blog and had one of those God moments, where he is providing for me. i have dealt with severe anxiety for the past few years and have prayed that i would find a teacher who has experienced the same thing since i'm afraid it will affect my career. i'll tell you more about it when we can visit. i'm so sorry that you are experiencing this too, but i hope it helps to know that you aren't alone. by the way, were you reading velvet elvis when you were talking about forgiveness vs. reconciliation? if so, that is too crazy! i was just reading that last night too! talk to you soon and hang in there this week!

Dad said...

I really enjoy your blog. I think the best way to solve your flying anxiety is with practice. Why don't you practice flying to Oregon for a visit? I am sure that will help. :-) See you in July.