This is just a series of random thoughts I want to throw out into cyber space before Carter arrives and my world forever changes.
-There are plenty of things I will NOT miss about being pregnant. Things that really aren't even appropriate for me to put out into public airways. If you've been pregnant before, you'll know what I mean. Suffice it to say, pregnancy-while beautiful and amazing-isn't always glamorous. :)
-I will miss feeling my little one move inside of me. I am at the point now where I'd like to have my abdomen back, but it is such an awesome feeling as he moves, kicks, wiggles, hiccups, and stretches inside of me. I was thinking this morning that despite the pain and discomfort it really is amazing how God created the female body to prepare for childbirth. The way that our entire body changes, adapts, and moves to make room for this child and then to birth him into the world. I will miss watching my husband be in awe of the process. Taylor is very ready for Carter to be here so that he can begin bonding in a way that I have already bonded, but there is something about a husband watching his wife through this process that is very special.
-For awhile now I've been done with advice and preparation. I am a student by nature. I like to study up on things, read, ask questions, and learn. So, for the majority of the pregnancy I have soaked up all I could in mental preparation for the changes. I've read a couple great books, taken several classes at the hospital, and of course visited with good friends and my mom. But, about a month or so ago I realized I was done with that. I had enough mental foreknowledge, and I was ready for the baptism by fire that only comes from experience. It's true there is only so much you can learn by reading and studying before you just have to do it. I'm ready for that. It's going to be new and probably difficult, but let's get on with it! :)
-I'm also tired of well-meaning advice from individuals that is not very helpful at all. I really get tired of being told, "Just wait until..." "...you are sleep deprived..." "...you try to nurse, then you'll see how hard it is..." "...your life will never be the same..." "...you will never have time for that..." "...good luck following that plan..." --- all said in a way that makes it sound like being a parent is the most terrible thing we could have signed up for. I appreciate genuine advice that helps me prepare for the reality of parenting. I do not appreciate doom and gloom put upon me about parenting and decisions we want to make. Especially from fellow Christians. This is a time to rejoice with those who rejoice...not fill our minds with negativity and pessimism. I would be naive to think this will stop after Carter is born, but I pray that I will be able to cling to positive thoughts and surround myself with those that want to encourage and lift us up during a time that will be both incredibly special and hard.
-Taylor and I were given advice by a friend last month to do everything in our power to treasure the first few weeks while the adjustment is difficult and the sleep deprivation gets heavy. He encouraged us to find ways to use the extra awake time to praise God and pray over each other, our marriage, our son, and others as well. I read in my mommy journal today about the suckings of babes as they eat is praise to the ears of God. I pray that as I am awake at 2 am listening to Carter eat that I can soak up those moments that will be so fleeting, and also praise the Lord along with Carter's sweet suckings. I pray that we can remember these sweet, newborn moments,, while exhausting and seemingly long are but a very short time. I want to use these early weeks as times to learn as much as I can about my son and pray over our future as parents. I pray that I will remember that the exhausting cycle and schedule of a newborn and my role in that cycle is to the glory of God. My most important goal as a parent during those first weeks is to provide for Carter's needs. I'm glorifying God by doing that. It will become tiresome and mundane. I will be exhausted and emotional. But, God created this process. It is to His glory, and He will sustain us through this time. I pray that I will not complain nor wish away this time too quickly, but that I will choose to glorify the Lord and bring Him praise as He carries us through the early stages of parenthood.
-While we hate it when people tell us, "Your life will never be the same." in a manner that is just plain negative; Taylor and I have admitted to mourning the end of this early era of marriage. We know life will never be the same. We are looking forward to the change and the next stage of our lives and marriage. We made this choice to start our family, and we are very excited about it. But, we do have moments when we just want to cling for a little bit longer to being just the two of us. In many ways, I think that realization has been very good for us. It has caused us to have several conversations about how to protect and encourage our marriage through our years with children at home. We want to get to the other side of parenthood-to our next set of years just to the two of us-and still know why we enjoy spending time together. We want to look forward in eager anticipation to the time when we can once again be "just us." We don't want to rush our years with children at home, but we absolutely do not want to forget the fact that the children will leave. We pledged to live together til death do us part, and it will be the two of us until that time. The children will be such an incredible part of our lives, but in the end it will once again be just us-and we want to protect that and cherish it even through these years with children at home. I'm thankful for the conversations we have had in this regard, and I look forward to finding out how we can creatively put this into practice.
Well, that's enough randomness for now. What an amazing time this is-unlike anything I have ever experienced!
