Choose Life

This is the first time I have ever blogged more than once in a day...but the following has been sitting on my heart today and I thought I'd share.

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you TODAY to love the LORD your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess...This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, BLESSINGS and curses. NOW CHOOSE LIFE, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His voice, and HOLD FAST TO HIM. For the LORD IS YOUR LIFE, and He will give you many years in the land he swore to give your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob."
Deuteronomy 30:15-16, 19-20

This morning I composed a post about the confusion going on in my heart and mind, and the opportunity I had today to sit in that confusion, lay it before the Lord, and leave it in His hands. After finishing my post, the part of the above first that says, "Now choose life..." started playing through my mind and heart. I found myself praising the Lord for my singlehood today because today that means I have no distractions. I have been able to dedicate my entire day to resting in Him...laying my heart open before Him...listening to Him...and delighting in my Heavenly Prince Charming. What a breath of fresh air today has been!

"Now choose life..."

What does this verse mean to you?

Confusion

Do you ever feel like your mind is going in a million different directions, and you can't make sense of it all? Welcome to my world. Today I am confused. My emotions are going in several different directions. My thoughts are going in several different directions. And, I can't make sense of a lick of it. I've spent almost my entire week staying super busy trying to put off dealing with what is going on inside of me. This weekend, however, I've decided it's time to face the music. It's time to let myself cry. It's time to let myself ask tough questions-of myself and of the Lord. It's time for me to be still and try to listen to my heart and the heart of my Father. My plan is to kind of "run away" just for the weekend and let myself be angry, hurt, sad, upset, confused, and at peace...in whatever order it happens to be. I'm so grateful that the Lord created me this way, and therefore will sit by me as each emotion and thought rolls through me and around me.

Lord, I ask that this weekend is productive in the sense that I can work through all that is inside of me...and walk away from the weekend knowing I have firmly placed it all in Your hands. Father God, take it all. Take the pain. Take the confusion. Take the anger and hurt. Heal my heart that I may move forward in Your will. Thank you for loving me Lord. May I learn to love you more!

You Are Good

God knows what we need better than we do, doesn't He? Like today at school. My heart was heavy and burdened all day at school, but I tried my best to lay that aside and just concentrate on my kids. So, I'm picking my kids up from Art class glad to know there are only 30 minutes left until the kids go home and I can go home, take a bath, journal, and just rest. As we walk back into the classroom, one of my precious little girls brings me a picture. "Here, Ms. Lowery, this is for you," she says. It is a picture she made just for me that at the top declares, "Your dreams will come true." Truly, out of the mouths of babes.

I am including in this post, the lyrics to a song I heard on my way to school this morning. I finished my drive to school, with tears streaming down my face, praising the Lord for reminding me of His goodness right at the start of my day. I pray these words are an encouragement to you as well.

When the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes
You are good, so good
In the heat of the day, with each stone that I lay
You are good, so good
With every breath I take in
I'll tell you I'm grateful again
When the moon rises high before each kiss goodnight
You are good.

When the road starts to turn, around each bend I learn
You are good, so good
And when somebody's hand holds me up, helps me stand
You are SO good
With every breath I take in
I'll tell you I'm grateful again
Cause it's more than enough just to know I am loved
And you ARE good

So, how can I thank you?
What can I bring?
What can a poor man lay at the feet of a King?
So I'll sing you a love song
It's all that I have
To tell you I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands.

When it's dark and it's cold, and I can't feel my soul
You are...STILL good
When the world has gone gray, and the rain's here to stay
You are still good
With every breath I take in
I'll tell you I'm grateful again
And the storm may swell, even then 'It is Well'
And YOU ARE GOOD!

So, how can I thank you?
What can I bring?
What can a poor man lay at the feet of a King?
So I'll sing you a love song
It's all that I have
To tell you I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands

So I'll sing you a love song!
It's all the I have!
To tell you I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands!!
YOU ARE HOLDING MY LIFE IN YOUR HANDS!!!

-Point of Grace

Ouch

Oh God, my heart hurts.

As a little child when we fall down and get hurt, all we really want is for our mommy or daddy to scoop us up, put a band-aid on it, and kiss it all better! Father God, can you do that to my heart? Just cradle my heart in your hands. Hold me tight. Kiss it and make it all better. Work it all to your glory! Cause right now, all I can think is, "Ouch!"

"You will go out in joy
And be led forth in peace."
Isaiah 55:12

Here I am, O Lord

It is becoming clear to me that each phase of our life is made up of some type of waiting. Of course, as Christians, we are all waiting and longing for our true, eternal home with our Lord. High schoolers are waiting for college. College students are waiting for their careers. Some singles are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to come along. Young marrieds might be awaiting their first child. Parents with children are waiting for the empty nest. And, so on and so forth...with multiple layers of depth to each type of waiting.

My attitude towards waiting goes in cycles. I go through long stretches of contentment and patience as I wait on the Lord's timing for a future family of my own. I deeply believe my longing and desire for a husband and children is God-given, but I also deeply believe it will occur on His time-table and not mine. So, like I said, I go through periods of extreme joy and contentment in the waiting. From time to time, however, whether out of selfishness or depth of desire, I'm not sure--I find myself mourning the unfulfilled desires. Praise the Lord that David wrote many psalms asking, "Where are you, O Lord?" and "How long must I wait, O Lord?" During my periods of mourning, I raise my voice with David, pouring out my deepest emotions to my Lord. Then, once again, I can patiently walk forth into purposeful waiting.

While allowing all of the above to percolate in my head, I was reading again from Ruth Haley Barton's book Sacred Rhythms. The following quotes came from her book, and deeply resonated with my heart.

"The practice of discernment begins with a prayer for indifference...indifference is a very positive term that is rich in meaning. Here it means, 'I am indifferent to anything but God's will.' This is a state of wide-openness to God in which I am free from undue attachment to any particular outcome, and I am capable of relinquishing whatever might keep me from choosing for love. I have gotten to a place where I want God and his will more than anything..."

"The question that is most pertinent at this place in the discernment process is, 'What needs to die in me in order for God's will to come forth in my life? Is there anything I need to set aside so that I can be open to what God wants?'..."

"Willingness to ask this question may take us into a period of waiting, in which we cannot accomplish for ourselves what most needs to be done. All we can say to God is, 'I know I am not indifferent. I know there is still something in me that is clinging to my own agenda. If I am to become indifferent, you will have to do it in me.' This period of waiting may feel very dark. But strangely enough, it will also feel deeply right--as if we are right where we need to be."

O Lord, I ask that as I wait for even a Godly desire...that my heart's attitude will be towards your will for me. Lord, you have placed me at this place, at this time, for a reason. Because of this, may my prayer always be...

"Here I am, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word."
Luke 1:38

Psalm 86

Today I needed this psalm as a reminder to me. I have been an emotional and logical mess this weekend. Praise the Lord that His grace is sufficient, and His power is made perfect in weakness.

Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.

2 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.

3 Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.

4 Bring joy to your servant,
for to you, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.

5 You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

6 Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.

7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

9 All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

13 For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

14 The arrogant are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless men seeks my life—
men without regard for you.

15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
grant your strength to your servant
and save the son of your maidservant.

17 Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

My Psalm of Praise

O, Lord, I praise your name.
You are good, O Lord;
I sing praise your wonderful name.

When I am down, my heart sings praise to you.
When I am lost, my soul sings out to you.
In unknown times, I praise you still, O Lord,
For you are good.

O, Lord, I praise your name.
You are good, O Lord;
I sing praise to your wonderful name.

I am at peace, O Lord,
Because you are sovereign.
I am comforted, O Lord,
Because all things work to Your glory.

O, Lord, I praise your name.
You are good, O Lord;
I sing praise to your wonderful name.

May I never doubt, dear Lord.
May I seek always to draw to near to your heart.
O Lord, hear this song of praise
And may it bring glory to your name.

O, Lord, I praise your name.
You are good, O Lord;
I sing praise to your wonderful name.