Burned-out. Exhausted. Hurt. Lonely. Disillusioned.
These are all words I have used to describe myself in the past week. And, yes, these words sound like I've been having a rather large pity-party. At some points, I unfortunately did allow these feelings to drag me into a pity-party. At many other points, I sat quietly in full realization of the sovereignty, love, and nearness of God while still feeling these emotions. Sometimes I am struck by times when I can know God is restoring my hope and strength while still feeling the emotions from the pit He is pulling me out of.
So, that has been my week. Today was different. Today was peaceful and beautiful. Today I was able to lose myself in music: one of God's finest creations. You see, I love the piano. I love to listen to piano music, and I love to play the piano. I took lessons growing up, but have unfortunately lost most of the skills I had acquired along the way. One of the things on my list of things to do before I die is to try again. Take the time to sit and practice and allow those buried skills to rise again. A friend of mine discovered that I have this longing, and he arranged for me to play today in a private room at a store that sells Steinway pianos. It was a wonderful experience! I sat in this private room on a GORGEOUS Steinway grand piano playing away at my silly little Level 1 music books from my first years of lessons. It was far from sophisticated, but it was refreshing. This afternoon I was able to spend one hour lost in music, focusing my talent only to my Lord who is carrying me through the burn-out, exhaustion, hurt, loneliness, and disillusionment of life. What a blessing! Thank you, Lord, for giving me an hour to worship you in a unique way that brought me such peace!
How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!
For he took notice of his lowly servant girl,
and from now on all generations will call me blessed.
For the Mighty One is holy,
and he has done great things for me.'"